MY CHILDREN--ALL GROWN UP

Giving birth to five children in seven years was either a remarkable feat or just plain insanity in my case.  I loved my little ones, but at times the experience was very taxing and pushed me to the edge.  Having little children has its pluses though.  If they acted up, they were disciplined.  Time out was a good choice for one or two of our children, and not beneficial for others.  A disappointed look might be all it took for one daughter in particular, and totally ineffectual for most of our other children.

Discipline is necessary with any child, but with a brood, it was mandated.  I remember thinking, "I'll never have children like that," when I heard one mother relate a story about her three sons.  Seems as though this young mother had accidentally locked herself out of the house and went around to the kitchen door.  There to her surprise, were her young sons and a commercial sized can of peanut butter.  They were going full force with their hands into the peanut butter while laughing at her as she pounded on the kitchen door demanding to be let in the house.

Dipping hands into peanut butter jars would not be acceptable by any terms. Jumping on beds was also something we just didn't do.  Not that jumping on the bed wasn't fun, but that beds were for sleeping on and we took care of our furniture, because it had to last us a long time.  Trampolines are for jumping and running was to be done outdoors.  I taught my children as I was taught, and it seemed to work for me.

We had guidelines to go by and for a family of seven, it helped to keep the chaos down.  I learned quite early in my child-raising that once a child was finished playing with a toy, they should put it up and get another one.  This concept made for a cleaner home, and children do better with some form of structure, than to live in complete chaos with toys strewn all over the house.

Now that our children are grown and have families of their own, one might think all our troubles are over, but this is not the case.  As parents, we never stop caring about our children.  We only hope that they have the ability to live healthy and happy lives, and are able to deal with their own issues as best they can.  We try to be there for moral support as they experience life's challenges.

I don't know of any family that doesn't have issues from time to time, and it is also true with our family.  As the Tim and Charlotte Garland family has grown to 24, there is a equilibrium that has taken place.  Each one of our children and their families begin to incorporate their own ideals and beliefs within the whole.  Sometimes there may be resistance to differences, but overall, a balance takes place, and we learn to respect each others boundaries.


I think the most important aspect of keeping the peace in such a large family is coming from a place of love, looking out for the other, and looking kindly on our family members.  This may be a tall order, with so many personalities and ideals.

It is my belief that wealth has little to do with how much we have in our bank account.  For me, wealth is having my needs met, having a comfortable home, food on the table, and being able to pay my bills and also includes our children and their families.

Our children, son in laws, daughter in laws and grandchildren are the part of my life that gives me the most joy.  Cheerful, happy faces, loving hugs and kisses, laughter to the point of tears, is what makes me a wealthy woman. Good loving relationships with my family is paramount, and makes my early years in motherhood worth every minute.

I can not say that I was the world's best mother in raising our children, but I did all I knew to do, and I did my best.  Sometimes I think I should apologize for what I lacked, but how can I make up for what I did not have in the first place?  I have seen mothers that were so much more equipped in dealing with their young children, and were able to cope with life much easier than I did.  It took me almost a lifetime to understand that comparing does little to no good.  We all have our trials for our particular purpose, and my trials have strengthened me in the ways I needed them most, and I continue to learn and grow with each new experience.

Be well my friend,
Char

Fear... Friend or Foe?

In a recent Alchemy training in Dallas, I found myself in a very uncomfortable position.  It began when our group was given the task of walking on top of several wooden dowels 3 to 3-1/2 feet in the air, while the other members of our group held each end of the dowel.  I knew that this was a task that my grown children would have happily jump at, walked over, and thought  was great fun, but that was not my case.  I was second in line, and as I watched the first person step on the first dowel and take  each step across the dowels suspended in the air, I went straight into panic mode.

I wondered where this feeling of abject panic and fear was coming from.  Then the thought came that this was like my birth.  I could hear my team mates cheer me on as I stepped onto the first dowel.  They were cheering..... I was crying.  I walked over the dowel in mid-air, then the next, hand and foot, hand and foot.  I reached the end, hopped off and then took my place holding the end of a dowel, while my team mates completed the task. 

My anxiety did not end there, but I was able to examine what I had just been through as I took my turn holding the end of a dowel.  When everyone had a turn, I asked if I could go through the process once more, noting this time, that I would do this experience differently.  This time, I would use the shoulders of my team mates to help me through.  The process went much smoother, and I realized that although I had never walked on dowels in mid-air before, I had the same panicky feelings many times during my life.

Fear comes in many packages, and can be my friend when feelings warn me of impending danger.  However, fear can be debilitating when it interferes with everyday life. In retrospect, the "fight or flight" feelings I've had were associated with experiences of not being safe in the past, and patterns had been set.

I was overdue by 2 weeks with our 3rd child when a severe storm and tornado was in our vicinity.  I gathered our other 2 children together as the rain pounded, the midday skies turned black and the wind blew sideways.  We put a mattress over our heads, and huddled together in the inner hallway of the house.  Tim was at work, and it was impossible for him to come home. I felt unprotected.  We were spared any problems from this storm, however my fear of severe weather grew with intensity ever since.  I have had a sixth sense about storms  and would feel that same panicky feeling when thunder and lightening reach a certain intensity.

I have learned to  resource out of the panicky feelings of storms.  It seems to help me every time, and I feel certain I will be okay, and the storms pass once again and all is well.

Fear had been my constant companion during most of my adult life.  I worried for Tim's safety almost daily, and was concerned about my lack of being able to manage life with 5 children without him. Fear of heights, fear of enclosed spaces, fears of dying were always with me in some form or fashion.

After we became empty-nesters, I began traveling without Tim across the country. My anxiety over flying was not a pleasant experience.  One day, I realized this had debilitated my life, and my fear of dying was not serving me anymore.

I made a choice right then and there about how I was going to experience life.  I told myself that one day, as surely as I came into this world, that I would be leaving.  I am going to die, and that was inevitable, but today, I choose to live.  By understanding my fears, and choosing to fully live each and every day has become a habit and makes my life so much more enjoyable.

There are techniques to aid in healing fears of all kinds. IRT or Immediate Release Technique is a technique I especially like to use and teach that is helpful for panic and anxiety relief. This technique is also being used by some First Responders, and is beneficial in emergencies of all kinds.

If you would like more information about IRT go to:

http://rapideyetechnology.com/selfcare.htm

Be well my friend,
Char

Nature's Gifts

In dealing with day to day life, sometimes I can get overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, loss, anger, fear and frustration.  No matter how many times I rehearse the experiences that lead to those feelings, it doesn't take them away, and only with time, do they dissipate.  There are many different methods I use and teach others to aid in the relief of stress and anxiety, but there are resources at  our fingertips we can use everyday that we may not be aware of.

The earth does a marvelous job of recycling plants, animals and even garbage, and renews itself everyday.  Even though wild fires rip through forests each year, within a short time, life begins anew through the ashes, and the cycle of life continues.  I learned recently of a technique that uses rocks, the land, trees and water to help in my day to day processes of releasing old issues.

The Native American Indians teach us that the rocks take our anger energy, the ground takes our sadness and the trees take our fears.  These energies over time can be damaging to us, but to the rocks, trees, and ground, it is just energy, and it is recycled so perfectly.

This morning, as I walked in the cool brisk air, I sat down on a large rock and began verbalizing the anger I had felt over recent issues and gave my anger to the rock. I  named in detail what  I had been experiencing, and the tears that had been held back, were able to flow.  After I felt there wasn't any anger left in me I felt gratitude for the rock.

I walked along the path, and with each step I took, I verbally expressed my sadness and gave my sadness to the ground.  When I was finished, and there were nothing left to say,  I walked over to a large tree in my yard and placed my arms around it and gave my fears to the tree, naming each and every one.

Then I moved to the water going over the waterfall in our creek and let the water wash over my hand, letting it cleanse away any residue of anger, sadness and fear. I felt a sense of gratitude for the ability of being able to express myself, and release the pinned up emotions in such a natural setting.  As I heard each word leave my mouth, I was able to get the message from the experience. I noticed with the anger, sadness and fear I had released, that insecurity was at the crux of every issue.  This experience is much different than just telling a friend my story. As the words leave my mouth, when giving anger to the rock, sadness to the ground, and fear to the tree, I hear them, process them, and understand the situation from all sides, and get the message much clearer.

Some folks may find this technique a little out of their comfort zones, and may miss the opportunity of powerful healing that may take place.  Many Christians believe in baptism by immersion into water and coming forth out of the water being cleansed.  The water is part of the process, just as the rocks, ground and trees play a process in this emotionally healing technique.


In the future even if I am walking or riding on a trail with other people all around me, I have another profound tool for releasing my emotions using Nature's gifts and move on, down the path of life.

Be well my friend,
Char