The Language of Love

One way to melt my heart is through service. An "I love you," can be empty without action behind the the words.   It may melt my spouse's heart to hear "I love you," more than touch, or time spent or an act of service. We don't all react the same when it comes to the language of love.

The problem comes when my love language does not work for my spouse, my children or friends and I am clueless.  Have you ever had a friend or relative that sends cards or gives gifts freely? They are the very ones that appreciate cards and gifts.  They feel loved when receiving gifts and thereby giving gifts or sending cards is how they show their love. If cards and gifts are not your thing, you may miss the opportunity to make your loved one feel your love on their level.

After reading more about Love Languages I realized where I could improve in showing my loved ones love.  Your love language may be Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, or more than one. Learning what your loved one's love language is may go a long way in your relationships. See what your love language is at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ and give the test to those you love. It may be time to make a change in how you say, "I Love you."

Be well my friend,

Char

Just Believe

I recently watched the movie "The Lamp" and the subject was something I have come to experience for myself on many levels.  The movie is about a couple who are grieving the death of their little boy. The father is so stuck in his grief that he has become disconnected from his wife, his work and everything around him.  After a course of events the wife in the story is presented with an Aladdin's lamp and told that it is a very special lamp, and inscribed on the lamp are the words, "Just Believe."

Faith and Belief are synonymous. Some think they haven't any faith or beliefs. Whether consciously or subconsciously every individual has faith and believes.  From the moment we wake up in the morning and place our feet on the ground and in every step we take it is about faith and believing that we do so.

Where most of us get stuck is in "believing we can't," rather than "believing we can." There is something important about believing. First one must get clear on what they want. Most of us are very clear on what we don't want and find ourselves going down the rabbit hole and we create more of the same in our lives. Once we become clear on what we really truly want, what that would look like, and what that would feel like, the rest is a piece of cake.

It is my belief that my world is structured from my thoughts as my thoughts are energy. Once I have a thought, want or desire I express it and let it go. I don't have to keep asking about it.  I trust that the outcome will come at the most perfect time and I am always surprised at how the outcome was better then I could have imagined it to be.

If my world is not what I want, my beliefs are holding me in that space. My world changes when my thoughts change.

Just Believe,

Be Well My Friend,
Char

THE BETTER CHOICE

It was a delicious Sunday morning as Tim and I pulled into the parking lot of his Mother's retirement community.  We enjoy the beautiful and serene environment of the community as we visit each week.  We stepped out of our car and noticed a woman outside her van, two cars away, railing on her kids inside the vehicle.  This went on and on as we walked past, and although she saw us, she never lowered her voice.  We were almost to the front door when I had taken all I could and I turned around and cleared my voice.  That just seemed to fuel her fire, and she began yelling at me.  I thought at least her attention was drawn to something else besides her children, even if it was pointed toward me.

After reflecting on the incident for a few days, I wondered what would have been the better choice in dealing with these types of situations?  The woman is clearly over her head, and in a war zone.  Instead of holding the line for her, my reaction was to turn my head toward her and clearing my voice  while in her direction, was like shooting her with my disapproval.  She got the message and clearly fired back with all the ammunition she had.

I have thought about the times I have been at whits end when our children were young.  How well did I do when pushed to the breaking point?  I don't remember railing on my children at the top of my lungs in public....but the kids may remember differently.  

I wondered what would have been helpful to me, a mother of five,  while I was in my war zone out in public? What would I have said to an onlooker as I was trying to contain my children or even having to discipline them?  A kind word would be more helpful to me than a stare, a glare or someone clearing their voice in disapproval.

I do believe that motherhood is most rewarding and yet it is the hardest job I have ever done.  It is a 24-7 experience, with little or no let up.  I am reminded of the toll it takes on a person every time I watch our children with their children.

That being said, I am also reminded of a comment Jamie Lee Curtis recently made when she said, "our children are our paparazzi." Good or bad,  my children learned from the example we gave.  They were always watching, taking snapshots of how we reacted, interacted, communicated, and handled ourselves.  They were in the school of life 24-7 and we were their teachers. 

 I do not improve with belittling, yelling and put downs.  I improve with loving, kind words, and encouragement.  When someone takes their time with me and listens to my heart, and comes from their heart, it melts away all insecurities and the message is heard loud and clear.

I hope the next time I come upon this type situation I will take a second and ask, "What is the better choice?"  Clearly, life is about choices and  I have made some doozies along the way.  The good news is......I.can always choose again!

Be Well My Friend,

Char